Why I Think Thanksgiving Is a Crock

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The above photo is an example of what it was like to have a POTUS who cared about the country.  Not having someone like that in office is enough to put a real damper on Thanksgiving.

The Pink Flamingo has been repeatedly called a Scrooge.  That’s fine.  He is my patron saint of Christmas.  Secretly, I really do like Christmas, I just detest Christmas music if it is played before December 20th. There is something really disgusting about the retailing of Christmas music to force people to “shop”, but that is yet another rant and rave.

As to Thanksgiving, The Pink Flamingo thinks it is the most useless excuse of a holiday since the invention of New Year’s Day, which is also a useless holiday.  There is something both of days have in common, and may be part of this baseball fan’s true repulsion.  I hate football. I detest football.  I think football should banned.  Furthermore, I think college football and all college athletics should be declared “professional” and stop the forced enslavement of college athletes.  Then again, that too is another rant and rave.

Please keep in mind I am a direct descendant of a half dozen Pilgrims, so if anyone can complain about the idiocy of Thanksgiving, The Pink Flamingo can do so.

First, I detest the way the far right turns the Pilgrims into these ultra religious, self-righteous puritanical creeps.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  They were stylish.  The Puritan garb one sees as the typical Pilgrim is very incorrect.  They liked silks, satins, lace, and the bright colors of the era. They knew how to have a good time.  And, unlike some views of the worth of women, Pilgrim women were some of the first feminists.

Still, that first “thanksgiving” saw a bunch of women slaving over hot fires to feed their men-folk.  This should be enough reason for women to sponsor a wholesale boycott of the season. Don’t you get tired of making a fool of yourself spending so darn much money for food a bunch of porcine deadbeats stuff into their greasy mouths?

Face facts, there are some women who make fools of themselves cooking food that will end up feeding the garbage disposal.  The get off on showing their housewifery skills.  I avoid these scenes with a passion.  They usually end up in world class cat-fights.  One of the dirty little secrets of Thanksgiving is how badly women fight in the kitchen.  The worse the cooks the nastier the cat-fights. Meow, meow, meow, meow!

Don’t you think the idea of a “feast” is passe?

Once upon a time, when people did not dine as well as we do, day in and day out, Thanksgiving was literally the biggest feast of the year.  Now though, people have a tendency to engorge themselves every day.  It truly is disgusting.

When The Pink Flamingo was in retail back in South Carolina, Thanksgiving Day was my biggest day of the year.  I opened at noon.  My slogan was “Don’t go home until the turkeys have done the dishes.”  Male customers were discouraged.  We would sample all my holiday gourmet goodies, have champagne cocktails, and I would allow my customers to use the phone to make long distance calls to find out of their men had done the dishes.   My female customers would start lining up around noon and stay until seven in the evening.  I would do thousands of dollars in sales.

The tradition started by accident.  The first year I was open for business, that Thanksgiving afternoon I went up to the Mill to do some work, feed the shop cats, and put out some newly arrived merchandise.  I was there maybe 30 minutes when a group of women banged on the door.  “We knew you would be open and not let us down today!”.  They called their friends to come shop.  Within an hour the store was packed and I had to start calling friends to come help me.

Even more repulsive his how celebs and the truly important people of the world stop by their local food bank, or soup kitchen to be seen either donating food, money, or helping the needy. FYI – people need help all year round, not just on major holidays.  Food banks need things all year, and are truly hard hit during the summer months when no one bothers to donate.  They do it all at Thanksgiving.

Today someone at the family table started on “what I am thankful for”. You know me.  I made the nasty comment, “We are told to rejoice always and in everything give thanks – every day, not just one day of the year”.   I think that is what bothers me the most.  As Christians we are taught that we are go give thanks at all times.  One day of the year for such a thing to me is just plain wrong.

So, call me a Scrooge.  I don’t care.  I’ve already taken one Christmas present down for my mother to open.  The tree is up, and a half dozen gifts are wrapped.  My tropical Santa scenes, along with my rubber ducky Nativity is up, as is my little “decorator” tree in the dining room.

Bah Humbug!

Besides, I’m not all that thankful about all that hopeinchange.

The only thing Thanksgiving is really good for is as follows…!

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