I have a 6 year old 8 pound toy poodle named Ronald Rumsfeld Reagan Reidhead. He wears a red collar. There are times when he is known as the Demon Dog from Hell. He’s having one of those weeks this week. I’ve left my dining room floor trashed, because I need to go get a picture of it. He’s been dragging out his toys. He has more toys than 99% of the kids in the world. He’s also been raiding the trash baskets. It is spring. The Pink Flamingo is allergic to spring. Ergo, I have Puffs, everywhere. Rums grabs them, shredding them, leaving a mess on the floor. He’s also made a couple of TP runs, unrolling, dragging, and shredding. It’s a rough job, but, he’s the little guy for it.
The Pink Flamingo is a cat person. That’s why I have a poodle. Poodles really aren’t dogs. They’re obviously not cats, even though they attempt to imitate them. It’s the same thing with most little dogs. (If you don’t have cats and little dogs, you don’t understand the dynamics, so just trust me).
Toy poodles yap. They attempt to put on a big show, but are not much more than about 7 pounds of fluff. If they are brought into a home with alpha cats when just puppies, they never really comprehend the fact that they are dogs, except for the yapping. There are times when I swear the Little Guy is going to start purring.
There is a difference between big dogs and little ones. Big ones like to drink toilet water. Little ones like to go litter box diving and eat cat s**t. Granted, we have tried to explain that cat s**t is high on carbs, but he doesn’t care.
Then there is the cat food problem. I must put the nightly “treat” of a single can of Fancy Feast salmon pate on the kitchen counter. If not, he gobbles it like is starving.
He and Mommy Cat have a thing going on. I shall not endeavor to explain their inter-species extracurricular habits, other than to explain that Mommy Cat has chosen him to father her kittens. Evidently he doesn’t realize he has been “fixed” and Mommy Cat doesn’t realize he is allegedly a dog.
I mention this because Mommy Cat, if the Fancy Feast is on a lightweight disposable plate will push it off the counter for Rums to scavenge. I swear she does this. I am required to put the Fancy Feast in something heavier and block its movement with a heavy box of tin-foil.
The other day when she pushed the Fancy Feast off onto the floor, I went to grab it and he tried to lung at my bedroom slippers!
Rums yaps at everything.
He yaps at the cats.
He yaps at the noise outside.
He yaps when I print something (it is extremely funny).
He yaps at the thunder (bring it on).
He yaps when the skunks sneak into the carport to steal the outside cat food.
He yaps to tell me there are raccoons in the carport. (We don’t like raccoons – they kill cats).
He yaps when anyone comes into the house.
He yaps at the UPS driver, even though she’s been delivering here since before he was born.
He yaps when someone parks a car near us at night.
He yaps when someone knocks on the door.
He yaps when Doc jumps on the table.
He yaps just to yap.
There is a difference between a yapping poodle and a barking rottweiler. A yapping poodle is simply a yapping poodle. They can do little real damage to an adult unless they attack and somehow manage to find a jugular vein. That’s about it. The cats weight nearly three times what he does, but Rumsfeld attempts to fight them at times.
When a big dog with a reputation as a “killer” barks at you, you’d better stand back and get away from them. They are deadly. They are killers. Anyone who has ever owned a male toy poodle knows they have this inner urge to make a kamikaze run on these big guys. They just know they can bring them down, when all they end up doing is getting themselves killed in the process.
Then again, every once in awhile you run into a big dog who is an abject coward, who allows a little twit like Rums to terrify them. Usually they are either too well trained and have far too many manners to retaliate. Sometimes they are simply cowed by a little alpha toy like Rums. I have seen him intimidate big dogs, who simply walk away, just to get away from his obnoxious behavior.
That’s the difference between tea party “conservative” libertarians and real statesmen. Real statesmen like John McCain, Lindsey Graham, John Boehner, or George W. Bush are like the big dogs. People like Ron Paul, Rand Paul, Michele Bachmann and Jim DeMint are yapping toy poodles. They yap at anything and try attacking anything, making pests of themselves.
It is like the scene from Rumsfeld’s favorite movie, Beverly Hills Chihuahua. (FYI, he thinks Chloe is hot!). When Chloe is in danger from the bad mountain lions the big bad mountain lions are cowed and flee when faced with dozens of yapping chihuahuas. The yapping little guys can’t do much damage, but they make so much noise, they intimidate the mountain lions.
This is what is happening to the GOP. The yapping toy poodles like Ron Paul, Rand Paul, Michele Bachmann, Jim DeMint, and their not so numerous associates, have cowed a few of the big dogs like John Boehner.
They may cow the big dogs for awhile, but eventually the big dogs will figure out that they are dealing with yapping poodles. One or two big barks and the little yapping twits should run for cover. The real problem is how long it will take for the big dogs to realize those little yapping poodles do not have as many followers as one might think they do.
In liberal parlance, the little yapping twit toy poodles are a bunch of bullies. (I know Rums is a bully, who runs for cover when Doc Holiday flexes her claws). Someone needs to smack them on the rear with a rolled up newspaper and rub their noses in the mess they have made. We all know they are incapable of cleaning up their messes. They leave that for those who are the responsible ones.
The Pink Flamingo is waiting for the day, using doggie terms here, when one of the big dogs will get enough of the little yapping toy twits and simply say p*ss on you and lift their leg and let ’em have it.
No, it is not an elegant comparison, but it is appropriate.
Then there are the cute little girl poodles. My precious Clancy was one of those. She was adorable, prissy, loved to get “dressed up” and loved attention. My parents little Sadie is the same way. She’s a prissy princess, just like the Glam Gals of the Tea Party GOP (Bachmann, O’Donnell, Haley, Angle, etc). They are cute and prissy. The guys love ’em. They like to be adored, brushed and pampered on their poodle spa day. Other than that, they’re not much good for anything.
The thing about Clancy was she had absolutely no loyalty. She would dump me any day of the week if a better deal came along. Rums is a spoiled brat (embarrassing) Mama’s Boy. He whines, cries, and won’t let me out of his sight. He yaps a good game but when confronted he runs for me. Sadie, having been rescued from an emotionally abusive situation, knows a good thing when she sees one. She can adapt and do what ever anyone thinks she should do, until she’s comfortable with her surroundings, then she’s once again Princess Sadie.
Don’t get me wrong, poodles are incredibly smart creatures. The problem is they have absolutely no common sense. They are cunning and manipulative Princess Sadie will not shut up until she gets her own way. She is very smart, but will gorge herself on anything she can sneak off a plate. She’d kill herself on chocolate if she could. Rums is one of those little dogs who would jump off the Empire State Building to chase a toy.
That’s what people like Ron Paul, Rand Paul, their followers, Michele Bachman, and all the little libertarian tea party “patriots” are like. They may be smart, but there is no common sense. There is not much loyalty. It is all about having the world look at them, and let them lead, even if it is over a cliff!
P. S. In doggy terms, stalwart, real Republicans like Lindsey, John McCain, George W. Bush, John Boehner, Tom Coburn, Steve Pearce, Jeb Bush etc. are like a my Democrat friend’s late lab, Molly. Molly was one of the great dogs of all times. She was smart, kind, loyal, very well behaved, gentle, and very very brave, quite heroic when she attacked a bear who was trying go get at Mike when he was on his bike. You know where you stand with a lab. They just keep on keeping on, doing what they should be doing. There’s no show, no yapping, and no drama.
As far as Sarah Palin is concerned, she’s a pit bull. That can be good and that can be bad. There’s nothing toy poodle about her.