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What’s In a Name?

August 15, 2013
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Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.05.20 AMMy mother has a drag queen cat named Miss Scarlet.  How, you might ask, can a cat be a drag queen?  Well, if you knew Miss Scarlet, you would understand the reason.  I would never name a real human being Scarlet, even if I have a character in one of the murder mysteries I’m writing named ‘Scarlet’.  Her sister is named Melanie.  Her mother is Ashley.  They are quite wealthy.  If you are quite wealthy, you can get away with a lot of things.  It’s the same way with animals.  We give them names you don’t normal give a real person.  My poodle is named after Ronald Reagan.  I have a cat named after Beverly Sills.  I call her Bubbles.  I have one named Hoss Cartwright and another named Bat Masterson.  Then, it dawned on me, that people appear to now have the tendency to give their dogs and cats half-way decent human names and are coming up with absolutely outrageous, humiliating names for their children.

A Tennessee judge ruled that a baby boy could not be named “Messiah”.  Her ruling was terribly religious, and over the top.  All she needed to do was mention that the name was banned in New Zealand. The mother’s name was Jaleesa Martin she and the father could not agree on a last name, so they named him “Messiah”.  The judge ordered the name changed to Martin DeShawn McCullough, thereby giving him a chance to amount to something in life.   It sure beats the heck out of Messiah DeShawn Martin.

The judge gave the same reason for changing the name that I would. The parents needed to have a little compassion for a child.  It was best for the child.  The father’s siblings could not understand why he would do such a thing.  They were already making fun of him.  The worst part is that last year 764 baby boys were named Messiah, making it the fourth fastest growing name in the country.

Once upon a time, there was a family who had the last name of Duck.  They named their only son – you guessed it – Donald.   He took his own life before he graduated from high school. He could not live with the taunts and harassment. In December, 2008 little Adolf Hitler Campbell and his two sisters, Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie were taken from their parents and are in foster care.  The family is still trying to regain custody of them.  There are some who say it was over-reach to have removed the children from their apparently non-abusive home, but just those names was abuse.

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose    
By any other name would smell as sweet;

Horrible baby namescurrent & shameful

  • Dante (named after a cartoon character with a good looking rear end – not the poet)
  • Ninja Qwest
  • Adorabelle
  • Shay’Lenn Heaven Neveah Hope
  • Rebluntay
  • Vagena
  • Walmart
  • Sequel
  • Justyce
  • Avrum
  • Yoonique
  • Abcde
  • Soren Galaxy Sailor
  • Sir Devlin Raijin Xenopho
  • Vadgesty Foxi Maiden
  • Jazlynn
  • Twilight Sparkle (male)
  • Hashtag
  • Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence
  • Zamzam
  • Kingsolomon
  • Alder
  • Attyson
  • Bastian
  • Blayde
  • Chesney
  • Draven
  • Diesal
  • Izander
  • Brook’Lynn

Years ago:

  • Fever Bender
  • Leper Priest
  • Cholera Priest
  • Rubella Graves
  • Typhus Black
  • Hysteria Johnson
  • Emma Royd
  • Kathryn E. Coli
  • Mumps Sykes
  • Lust Garten
  • Greed Sister Mancini
  • Avarice Sullivan
  • EnvyBurger
  • Pride Saint
  • Lust T. Castle
  • Clover Field
  • Beef Cooper
  • Guiness Dack
  • Cabbage Haywood

What a child is named effects their entire life.  When children have very strange names, from low-status households, they tend to get in trouble, have more problems, and end up in prison.  So do boys with ‘girly’ names like Ashley, Shannon, Jamie, and Courtney.  They have problems in middle school.

…You have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower. According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in …”

There have been children named:

  • Fanny Pack
  • Fanny Whiffer
  • Post OFfice
  • Warren Peace
  • Nice Carr
  •  Hell Hellickson
  • Hugh Jass
  • Al CAholic
  • Anita Bath
  • Amanda Hugginkiss
  • Maya Buttreeks
  • Hades Fryher

In New Zealand, 71 names were considered so bad, they were officially banned.  Among them were:

  • Lucifer
  • Superman
  • Messiah
  • Christ
  • Roman Numerals III
  • General
  • Saint
  • Lord
  • Minister
  • President
  • Anal
  • Mafia No Fear

Studies have shown that the name given to a child links him/her to success or failure.  It matters about self-esteem, and how a person behaves later in life.  An odd-ball name almost dooms a child.  I don’t like the way the judge went about what she did, ruling on the name because it was religious.  I liked what she did to try and give the child a better life.

Children have enough problems in life, without being stuck with names which will basically ruin their lives until they are old enough to officially change them.  Most of us, at one time or another, hated our names.  I still don’t like Sarah Josephine.  Do you see me ever using it?  Nope, I use SJ.  I go by ‘Cindy’.  (That’s another story).  In my family, the eldest (usually) daughter of a generation is stuck with ‘Sarah’.  It goes back at least 9 Sarahs, with the first being the daughter of Capt. John Smith’s brother.  (THAT Capt. John Smith).  When I learned the pedigree of the name, well, it changes things – a little.  I’m not a ‘Sarah’.  ‘SJ’ works.

  • Sarah Frances Moore Froehlich (Nana)
  • Sarah Jane Froehlich Reidhead
  • Sarah Josephine Reidhead
  • Sarah Rachel Boulden
  • (and now) pictured above Sarah Catherine Garland

I have, on my mother’s side, a 2nd cousin named Sarah, who was named after her great-Nana.  On my father’s side, there is my cousin Sarah Beth, her niece, Sarah.  I also have an ‘adopted’ sister named Zarah.   I think you get the picture.

But – there’s nothing wrong with the name.  It’s a good name. It’s not going to doom anyone who is given that name with any sort of life-long trauma.  But, naming a child ‘Messiah’ is nothing but child abuse.  I don’t see how it is much different than naming a child ‘Adolf Hitler’,  ‘Donald Duck’, or ‘Vagena’. Parents who do this sort of thing, like in the case of young ‘Adolf Hitler’ Campbell, need to have their children removed from their homes or forced to rename them.  Sure, they have the right to make absolute fools of themselves, but there are times when names are nothing more than child abuse.

As in the case of the little ‘Messiah’, his mother is, apparently, a total and complete dimwit who is, it is quite apparent, using this as her moment of fame.  I’m beginning to suspect that’s exactly why she did what she did.  No one is stupid enough to not know another name beginning with a “M’. If so, she’s abusing the child.  The judge was right in forcing the name change, because of what it will do to him in a few years, but not on religious grounds.

Let’s face it, there are names that just plain old need to be outlawed as baby names.

As for the photo of the absolutely adorable Miss Sarah Catherine Garland – better known as Catie, or Cutie Catie, no Key Lime Sodas were harmed in the making of the photo.  She’s eight months old.

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3 Comments

  • jose maria says:

    Names are interesting especially in my part of the country. Men’s names in my family were Francois, Paul, Philippe, Pierre, Alexandre. New Orleans was under both French and Spanish rule, so names can be tricky. Names changed according to what country controlled the territory. For instance Francois became Francisco under Spanish rule, then became Francis when the Americans took over. Pierre became Pedro, then Peter, Philippe became Felipe, then Philip etc. ……Josephine is also one of our family names for women as well as Isabelle, Adelaide, Florencia, Aimee, Evlalie, and Angelique. They changed too according to who ruled the territory. Josephine became Josefa, then Josie. Florencia became Florence and Evlalie became Evelyn. Even more confusing under Spanish rule is the fact that they use the mother’s surname, often Rocheblave became Goudou or Martin. This sometimes causes a genealogical headache.

  • SJ Reidhead says:

    One thing I learned doing so much genealogy was that first names run in families. So do birth dates, which is strange.

    SJR

  • jose maria says:

    So do dates of death in our family and that is weird.


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