As a nation we are screwed. I think it is time to be upfront and honest. We’re screwed. We the stupid, little people of the United States of America don’t stand a chance. We haven’t for many years, yet we blithely go along thinking that honor, decency, kindness, and the basic virtues of life matter.
They don’t matter on the right, or the left. All that matters is wealth and power. People will do anything and destroy anyone and anything to achieve it. It isn’t just politics, it is life in general. It is dispiriting. If you are good and decent, you don’t stand a chance. I would like to say it is a shark eat shark world, but I don’t want to insult sharks.
Good people can’t win. No matter how much faith you have, it doesn’t matter. Life is stacked against us. I’ve given up, finished with life. Personally, I’ve been whipped so much, there is nothing left of me. I quit. As a person, I’ve been completely broken. I no longer have any hope.
I’m losing my home over a $7500 debt I can pay in 6 months, but that doesn’t matter. They can legally sell my home, valued at $120,000, which I own, free and clear, for the $7500 debt. I owe $1200 in back taxes. I don’t even owe enough to file bankruptcy. But, that doesn’t matter. All I did was care for my parents. I’ve spent my entire life caring for them. Until about 17 months ago, I’ve been there to care for my mother’s fragile health since I was in the 6th grade. I did what I was told, followed the Ten Commandments, honored my parents, was decent, and believed that with faith all things are possible.
That is not true. I’m not quite sure the role of faith in our lives. I know we’ve been sold a false bill of goods about miracles and answered prayer. Several years ago, a priest gave a sermon about answered prayer. She said that those of us with great faith do not have our prayers answered like people who have none. The Lord, she said, uses answered prayer to build the faith of those who have none. Those of us who have great faith do not experience answered prayer the same way.
I am broken. There is nothing left of me. I am shattered. My writing career is in ruins because I no longer have the tools of the trade. I don’t even have a working printer. I have sixteen completed manuscripts and no way to even do edits on them. I am alone. I will always be alone. I have no hope of ever meeting anyone who might possibly be stupid enough to love me.
I cry out to God, but nothing happens. There are no answers, only additional poverty, hopelessness, and degradation. My faith is in such tatters that I no longer feel comfortable about telling those who don’t believe in Christ about the miracle of salvation when their lives are better than mine. How do I ask someone to accept a faith when I see people who lie, steal, cheat, and practice immorality have better lives than mine?
As Christians, we’re told that eternity is ours. We are to live for an eternity with Christ. Our lives may be pure shit, but it is the afterlife that matters. I swear ‘Christians’ use this as an excuse not to worry about others. I don’t know what more I am to do. I’ve done what I’m to do in life. I’ve dedicated my life to the Lord. I’ve had faith. My life is over, I know that. I’m going to die, alone, never remembered, with the things I’ve written being deleted, tossed in the garbage of life.
I feel that’s all my life is – garbage.
There is nothing left of my life. What did I do wrong? I honored my parents. I followed the Ten Commandments. Like a stupid fool, I believed all the brainwashing that I was doing what was right. The Lord always provides for those who love Him.
I’m not sure about that, not anymore. In Romans 8:28 we’re told that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose. I wish I still believed this. I’m so broken I have a real problem with this passage. I pray. I cry out to the Lord. I don’t know what else to do.
There’s nothing left of me.