Disappointing People

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We all do it.  I know I’m certainly guilty of disappointing people.  I’m especially guilty of it, lately.  Fact is, I’ve been a down-right needy bitch.  I don’t like people who act the way I’ve acted.  People have made excuses for me.  I’m allowed it.

I’m tired.
My life is a disorganized mess.

I don’t handle clutter and disorganization very well. It makes me crazy, and I’ve been acting like a crazed jerk. I did something that truly disappointed a person who has been very kind. We all have our limitations and I know my limits. Okay, I’m a control junkie. When control has been removed from a control junkie, we are crazed jerks.

What I did, I had to do.  It was something I did not want to do but it was necessary.  This person helped me with the problem, and I suspect it has hurt her.  It wasn’t anything bad.  It was just a part of life than had to be what it was.

No, my conscience doesn’t bother me.   I just wish I weren’t such a total bitch, at times.  But – you know, I am what I am, and it isn’t good.  No, it isn’t bad.  My life is in total chaos.  I don’t know where I will be a year from now.  Heck, I don’t even know where I will be six months from now.

I feel like I’ve hurt people.  I’ve disappointed them.  I need to get certain things accomplished and am running out of money – which is nothing new.  The Lord will sustain.  He always does.

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