Cheesy Christmas Movies

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Originally published on December 21, 2014

During the month I basically stayed with my mother, with only 2 days of relief, she spent much of the time wallowing in truly annoying made-for-cable Christmas movies.  I thought I would lose my mind.  Don’t get me wrong, I willingly admit that my patron saint of the season is Ebenezer Scrooge.  Even a steady diet of oh so lovely Christmas happily after tails would turn Scrooge into an insipid puddle of sobbing blubber.  They are that bad.  They are enough to make even the happiest peppiest Christmas addict into a true life-long Grinch.

In many ways, they are incredibly racist and bigoted.  There are many people in this country who don’t celebrate Christmas, but don’t tell that to Hallmark.  They’ve been running nothing but really annoying Christmas movies since Halloween, or so it seems.  It is rather obvious they are only interested in that specific demographic.  Forget anyone who is Jewish, or Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or pagan.  Forget anyone who is atheist.  All that matters is cheap, cheesy, and tacky.

If you are alone, or your heart is breaking, the last thing you want is heart-warming, family happily-after.  Life doesn’t work that way.  You don’t go home again and run into that high school sweetheart, then ride off into the sunset.  It doesn’t snow every Christmas Eve, and we don’t always get what we want.

Designed to sell Hallmark’s line of products, these movies, and others point out to those of us who don’t have happily-ever-after, how wrong our lives are.  They show us what we’ve done wrong, and how odd we are.  We are life’s failures.  Never mind that the holidays are the leading time for suicide.  They are bright and flashing lights to emphasize how alone and miserable some people are.  But – just watch those lovely movies.

If that wasn’t bad enough, these things are poorly made. I especially like the fact that 90% of them are shot in the summer.  Everyone in the cast is wearing winter clothes, while the world around them is green, flowers in view.  Then, it’s a Christmas Miracle – it is snowing!

Are we that stupid?  Evidently we are, because cheese movies like this are playing round the clock.  As far as I’m concerned, there is only one viable Christmas movie & that is Christmas Vacation!

The best Christmas movies:

  1. The Man Who Came to Dinner
  2. Christmas Vacation
  3. While You Were Sleeping
  4. Donovan’s Reef
  5. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
  6. Holiday Inn
  7. Christmas in Connecticut
  8. Bachelor Mother
  9. Christmas with the Kranks
  10. It Happened on Fifth Avenue
  11. The Associate
  12. Meet John Doe

That’s enough.  If you’ve never seen The Man Who Came to Dinner, golly watch it!

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