This is the fourth of five parts.

D. Scott Meadows, Pastor, Calvary Baptist Church (Reformed), Exeter, New Hampshire USA invented a ‘catechism’ for wives that reeks of abuse, and heresy. Part of the problem here is that, along godly men like John Piper, Voddie Baucham, they believe that divorce is wrong. They believe in the Permanence View of marriage. No matter how abusive a man is, a woman stays married to him, even if he’s in prison for raping their children. Godly women stick with their godly men, even when they are in a godly jail for molesting their ungodly offspring.

Q1. What is the main point of my marriage to my husband? A1. To glorify God and enjoy Him forever, the same point of my existence and all my circumstances.

Q2. Can my marriage ever be the source of true happiness to me? A2. No, at best it can become an occasion of happiness, but all my joy is bound up and will remain forever in knowing God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and therefore my blessedness does not depend on the state of my marriage.

Q3. How can I glorify God and enjoy Him forever in my marriage? A3. By trusting God implicitly and doing His will in all things because I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Q4. What is the most important thing about how I relate to my husband? A4. That I love him with gracious gospel love, respect him for his position over me, and submit to him as unto the Lord.

Q5. What is gracious, gospel love for my husband? A5. A supernatural love from Christ that is large, constant, and free, and that does my husband good and not evil all the days of his life.

Q6. What is respect for my husband? A6. It is a conscious recognition of his special authority over me as my husband on the basis of God’s Word and the covenant I freely entered when I married him.

Q7. What does it mean to submit to my husband as unto the Lord? A7. That I will cheerfully acquiesce to my husband in all things consistent with the revealed will of Christ, but no further, from a sincere desire to please my husband and Christ for my husband’s good and Christ’s glory.

Q8. Will there be cases when I must obey Christ rather than my husband? A8. Yes, if ever my husband expects me to disobey any of Christ’s commands, but even then I must keep loving and respecting my husband as my husband while Christ always has my greatest love and loyalty.

Q9. What is the primary means by which I can influence my husband toward greater faith and obedience to God? A9. Setting a good example before my husband, without a word of nagging or disrespectful rebuke.

Q10. Does this absolutely forbid addressing my husband about his responsibility for faith and duty as a man, a husband, and a father? A10. No, but when it is right to address him about these things, I must speak the truth in love, with evident love and respect for him as my husband.

Q11. How good a husband is my husband to me? A11. Much better than I deserve, and therefore I will thank God for him every day.

Q12. How good a wife am I to my husband? A12. Much worse than I ought to be, and therefore I will confess my sins to God every day, asking forgiveness, and to my husband as needed, and continue in prayer for grace to grow into the excellent wife that God wants me to be, and that would be such a blessing to my husband.

Q13. How can I possibly love my husband so well, since he falls so short of the ideal husband, and I am such a sinful person? A13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, even this, for I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me. Also, I know that God has given me His Spirit and all-sufficient grace to help me to do all He requires of me.

One of the real problems is that the system created by John Piper, et. al leads to domestic violence. The problem is the fact that men like Piper, godly men who think that a woman’s place is in the home, submissive, and silent, don’t comprehend that they are making the problem worse.

“...And there really is no place for these women to turn. If they turn to another woman, they will be met with: pray for your husband, ask God to give you a submissive spirit. It’s never the husband’s fault, but the wife’s fault. The husband owns the wife: her physically, her faith, her emotions. A woman can never turn down her husband sexually (Doug Wilson says a wife’s job is to surrender and accepts – and that is referring to sex….”

It’s too bad godly men like John Piper, Bill Gothard, Doug Wilson, Doug Phillips, Mark Driscoll, Al Mohler, Kevin Swanson and so forth an so on ad infinitum ad nauseam are so busy wallowing in their own verbal vomit that they don’t actually bother with the scriptures. They don’t bother studying history, or understanding our joint spiritual heritage with the Jews. If they did, they might delve into Torah, but then, they’d emerge looking like the abjectly ignorant fools that they are. Rabbi David Aaron explains that there is a difference between man and woman, but they are created to be parallel to one another. According to Torah, when Adam was created he was given dominion over the earth and the animals on it. He was also to find companionship among them. Rabbi Aaron likens it to a series of blind dates, where it just didn’t work. Finally, God created a female, Eve to be the ultimate companion to Adam. It was not to be a relationship of dominance.

“…A relationship of dominance is not the image of Hashem or the image of love-it is not making a space within yourself for another and giving of yourself to that other. Only when two people give to each other and help each other within a relationship of mutual respect and inclusiveness can they receive the gift of love, the Everlasting Light of love.

You are probably wondering how all this fits with the well-known verse from the Torah: “He will rule over you.” Is this not the very source and justification for man’s dominance over women? The answer is, “No, on the contrary.” The Torah is telling us that this is a curse, not the norm, and certainly not any kind of an ideal to strive for. Indeed, as part of our mending work, we are responsible for nullifying this curse, just as modern technology in agriculture is nullifying the curse of “by the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread.”

The Torah sees the relationship between every couple as part of an ongoing process, fixing the cursed relationship of Adam and Eve and thereby bringing the light of love back into the world. This process of restoring the equilibrium between the sexes is seen in all the key male-and-female relationships in the stories of the Torah. For example, Hashem tells Abraham, “All that Sarah [your wife] has said to you, hearken to her voice.” Like Sarah, Rebecca, the wife of Isaac, could hardly be described as subordinate to her husband. It was Rebecca who courageously coaxed her son Jacob into disguising himself as his manipulative brother, Esau, so that his blind father would give him the blessing of the firstborn, intended for Esau. Rebecca had the insight to know that it was truly Jacob who deserved the blessing, and she needed to orchestrate this ploy in order to help Isaac realize his own vulnerability to manipulation. Later, when Jacob married, he did not rule over his two wives, Rachel and Leah. We are told he worked hard to get their agreement before he moved the family, rather than merely announcing his decision regardless of their opinions on the matter.

The Torah and the Kabbalah clearly teach us that true love is not achieved through domination. It takes mutual respect. It takes appreciation of each other’s unique strengths and qualities. It takes a great deal of giving to each other….”

Contrast this to Mark Driscoll’s version:

The series concludes tomorrow.