Why Does Patriarchal Treatment of Women Sound Like S & M?


Screen Shot 2013-11-18 at 9.43.11 PMThere are times when what is allegedly ‘Christian’ is not.  The worst of it is that good men and women have been seduced into a theology that is neither Biblical, Christian, nor healthy.  Quite often we hear discussions of culture, and how the left has corrupted our American culture with such ideas as feminism.  We are told that feminism is a product of communism, which is just plain laughable.  It is a Culture War.  Our families and our country  needs to return to traditional values.

When it comes to these new Culture War values, they are new.  They  had no part of Christianity until the mid to late 1970s.  Today, 1 Peter 3: 1-2 is viewed as a demand that a woman submit to their husbands.  When I was taking my New Testament survey course in college, it was about St. Peter having an argument with his wife, who was determined to follow him to Rome.  He knew he was going to be executed.  He wanted her home, where she was safe.  Once upon a time, it was taught as a primer on husbands and wives loving one another.  Today it is about husbands dominating their wives into submission.

According to Jim Alsdurf’s findings after polling 5,700 Protestant ministers in the US and Canada:

  • 26% of ministers polled would tell a woman being abused by her husband to submit to him and trust that God will give her strength to endure it.
  • 25% said that a lack of submission by the wife is the cause of the domestic abuse.
  • A majority of ministers said it was better for a woman to tolerate a degree of abuse in order to presere the marriage.
  • 71% said they would never advise a battered/abuse wife to leaver her abusive husband.
  • 92% said they would never counsel a battered wife to leave her “Christian” husband.
  • Ministers have been known to tell women who are being horribly abused that if her husband kills her, it is for the Glory of God.
  • According to Rick Warren, “God” wants a woman to stay in a miserable and abusive marriage.
  • Debi Pearl, who has a husband who believes in harsh punishment for children, a woman needs to understand that she is obeying God if she endures wrongful suffering.
  •  “Women victims of domestic violence are often to blame for their own abuse because they were failing to submit to their husbands’ authority.”  John Piper
  • Only if women are “beaten regularly” by their husbands can they qualify for a temporary separation, but never for a divorce, because the Bible permits divorce only for adultery or abandonment.”
  • Their ideology is that husbands will be spiritual heads of the home, will rule over their wives and families and wives will humbly submit without question to everything they say.”

Let’s be honest here.  If you read enough about the so-called “Christian” Patriarchal movement, it starts reading like a really bad Gothic novel, one you suddenly realize has elements of S & M (Sadomasochism) in it.  There is an entire sub-genra of  Regency novels that involve spanking and torture of the heroine.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude, and I’ll admit that one of my guilty pleasures involve trashy Regency novels, but some of this stuff gets so disgusting and repulsive it’s not worth reading.  The sub-genra that includes spanking is truly gross.  I downloaded one a few months ago.  After about twenty pages, I deleted it.  I’m far from a prude, but there is something that is truly reprehensible about ‘spanking’.  Granted, it is something is done on a sexual basis, part of the entire submission thing – as in a woman being a submissive, but I swear, this is what’s going on in the Patriarchal movement – only shielded by religion.

“...In some cultures, the spanking of women by the male head of the family or by the husband – sometimes called domestic discipline – has been, and sometimes continues to be, a common and approved custom. In those cultures and in those times, it was the belief that the husband, as head of the family, had a right and even the duty to discipline his wife and children when he saw fit, and manuals were available to instruct the husband how to discipline his household. In most western countries, this practice has come to be regarded as unlawful and socially unacceptable wife-beating, domestic violence or abuse. Routine corporal punishment of women by their husbands, however, does still exist in some parts of the developing world, and still occurs in isolated cases in western countries. However, today, spanking of an adult tends to be confined to erotic spanking or to BDSM contexts…”

Funny, but there is no evidence of the spanking of men in a domestic situation.   In an interview, Algerian woman author, Fadhila Al-Farouk said:

“…“The Western woman differs from the woman in Arab countries. The Western woman is aware of her basic rights. She knows who she should turn to, how to report to the police, neighbors get involved. In our case, a neighbor cannot call the police and the police cannot be involved. … It is very rare for the police to intervene between a husband a wife.”…”

In other words, the women of the Arab world have no rights.  Who would believe that neither do certain women of Patriarchal Christian cults in this country?  It’s called “Christian” Domestic Discipline.  It is a license for men to openly beat or spank their good little submissive wives, right there, in front of the kids.  The woman has no right to say anything. And, yes, it is a sick and abusive as it looks.  Let’s be honest, even Bryan Fischer, who is nuts, is against this.  It is so screwed up, and so involved in S & M that I can’t even link to it.  Just reading the “Christian” blogs about “Christian” submission and spanking requires a shower afterward and a fumigation of the computer.

…Their ideology is that husbands will be spiritual heads of the home, will rule over their wives and families and wives will humbly submit without question to everything they say.  They will be reproducing babies and raising them with the same ideologies:  boys will grow up to be men and heads of households and will rule their families spiritually.  Daughters will grow up and embrace their “biblical role” as submissive wives/mothers….”

The true version of CDD is not about eroticism and is about the subjection of women.  Allegedly, according to CDD, which I will not link because I don’t provide those sort of links, it is neither ‘erotic nor abusive’.  It is a lifestyle between two healthy life partners for the greater good of the entire family.  The handbook for keeping women in line is something like 50 pages long.


Women can also lose privileges like driving, credit cards, going out with friends, using a computer, phone, and having their cosmetics taken away from them.  They can be punished for having a poor attitude, failure to listen, nagging, or anything that might show disrespect to the ‘head’ of the household.  As with any abuse, it only gets worse until the point where women who agree with this domestic arrangement are so upset about it, they’re now abused.

“…Rebuke and Lash. This is the harshest discipline a husband should administer, and it should always be done privately and with Godly, Biblical love. Usually, exhortation will have already taken place before this method is used, but there may come situations where this is the first step. The rebuke and lashing should be administered with a calm heart. Talk to your wife, let her know you are serious, and tell her why she is to be disciplined physically.

When administering physical discipline, take caution not to deliver the lashes anywhere but the buttocks. The first attempt at this punishment should only be delivered by hand so you can get an idea of how many lashings are needed. The best position will be for you to sit at the end of a bed or on a chair (with no arms) and have her lay across your lap. She can also bend over a bed with arms tucked under her chest and your left hand on the small of her back. If a strap (belt) is to be implemented watch that each stoke falls directly on the buttocks and not higher. EDITOR’S NOTE: When using the hand, or a small, short implement, such as a switch or small “hairbrush”-type paddle, over-the-knee positioning can work quite well.

A fearful wife may begin crying or pleading and find it difficult to remain still. Reassure her. of your intent and love (yes this will hurt, that is why it is a punishment) then instruct her to be still. Remind her that she is not in control of this discipline. You should continue the lashing through her tears and pleas for you to stop, until you are certain the message was received. This will insure her remorse and therefore stop the undesirable behavior.

A sound lashing is five to ten strokes with your hand, or three to five strokes with a strap; some wives need more. To avoid brusing do not strike the same area in repetition. Gauge your decision to proceed based on your wife’s readiness to repent.

You may find it difficult to cause your wife pain, but as a woman she needs the release of guilt that this form of punishment brings. Afterwards, help her up gently and hold her while allowing her to cry for as long as you both feel necessary. If you have children instruct her to wash her face before emerging from the room.

Remember to stay in control at all times so her faith in you is not rattled. Her reaction after the lashing will let you know if this punishment works for her. She should be genuinely remorseful, tearful, and sore, but have an overwhelming desire to please you….”

How about 18 Ways a Wife May Be the Glory of Her Husband, which comes from the book, The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace.

  • 1. Ask your husband, “What are your goals for the week?”
  • 2. Ask your husband, “How can I help you accomplish these goals?”
  • 3. Ask your husband, “Is there anything that I can do differently that would make it easier for you?”
  • 4. Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and cooking. As you fulfill your God-given responsibilities, your husband is then free to do his work.
  • 5. Save some of your energy every day for him.
  • 6. Put him first over the children, your parents, friends, job, ladies’ Bible studies, etc.
  • 7. Willingly and cheerfully rearrange your schedule for him when necessary.
  • 8. Talk about him in a positive light to others. Do not slander him at all, even if what you are saying is true.
  • 9. Do whatever you can to make him look good, to accomplish his goals. Some examples are offer to run errands for him, organize you day to be available to help him with his projects, pray for him and make good suggestions. Give him the freedom not to use your suggestion, and do not be offended if he does not follow it.
  • 10. Consider his work (job, goals, hobbies, work for the Lord, etc.) as more important than your own.
  • 11. Think of specific ways that you can help him accomplish goals. Examples are get up early in the mornings to help him get of to work having had a good breakfast and making him lunch, take care in recording phone messages for him, anticipate any needs he may have in order to attain a specific goal, and keep careful records of money spent to keep up with the budget.
  • 12. Consider the things that you are involved in. How do they glorify your husband? Ask his guidance.
  • 13. Be warm and gracious to his family and friends. Make your commitment to him obvious to them.
  • 14. Do and say things that build him up instead of tear him down.
  • 15. Dress and apply your makeup in an attractive manner that is pleasing to your husband.
  • 16. When your husband sins, reprove him privately and gently, always giving him hope and pointing him to the Lord.
  • 17. Encourage him to use his spiritual gifts in ministry.
  • 18. Realize that just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, your husband is glorified when you obey your husband.

Much of this heresy devolves from Christian Reconstructionism which concludes wifely submission. The interesting, follow the bouncing ball, just leads back to far right loons.  I wasn’t looking for far right loons while working on this piece. Then I came across a piece by Scott Morefield, on why his wife should submit to him.  Lo and behold, he writes for World Net Daily!  He writes about Biblical Marriage.  In other words, his wife does what he tells her to do.

“…According to Reconstructionists, women should submit their vote to their husband’s choice and should never hold public office; and girls should stay at home under their father’s rule until they marry into their husband’s authority….”

This is about a movement that began in the 1970s (AND NOT BEFORE) as a counter-culture fight against feminism and the liberation of women.  It is a world where men are the primary breadwinners, spiritual leaders, making financial decisions, and leading in worship.  Women are encouragers, completers, and helpmeets. Women are subordinate.  Men are the leaders. There are some Christian leaders who even use a woman’s lack of submission on domestic abuse.  Women are allowed to minister to women, but only under the supervision of men.  This is the hallmark of the now defunct ministry of Doug Phillips.

When you read the glorious stories of ‘submission’ they are told like the Taming of the Shrew. Once the disobedient feminist woman finds Christ and submits, her life is all roses and champagne.  By submitting, women are actually submitting to God.  Evidently their husbands are some strange, non-Biblical substitution for God.

Would someone please tell me where it says, in the Bible, that when a woman submits to her husband, she is actually submitting to God?  Where does the spanking come in?  I don’t know about you, but this is starting to get a little spiritually kinky, not to mention wallowing in heresy.  By submitting to her husband, her lord and master, she is performing an act of worship and love for her Savior.

In fact, the Southern Baptist Convention sponsored the True Woman Manifesto.  I guess I’m not a true woman because I think some of this is pure crap.

  • MEN AND WOMEN are both created in the image of God and are equal in value and dignity, but they have distinct roles and functions in the home and in the church.
  • WE ARE CALLED as women to affirm and encourage men as they seek to express godly masculinity, and to honor and support God-ordained male leadership in the home and in the church.
  • WHEN WE RESPOND humbly to male leadership in our homes and churches, we demonstrate a noble submission to authority that reflects Christ’s submission to God His Father.
  • SELFISH INSISTENCE on personal rights is contrary to the spirit of Christ who humbled Himself, took on the form of a servant, and laid down His life for us.
  • GOD’S PLAN for gender is wider than marriage; all women, whether married or single, are to model femininity in their various relationships, by exhibiting a distinctive modesty, responsiveness, and gentleness of spirit.
  • MATURE CHRISTIAN WOMEN have a responsibility to leave a legacy of faith, by discipling younger women in the Word and ways of God and modeling for the next generation lives of fruitful femininity.

I know there are some who just sort of do an end game around what it going on here.  First, it is NOT Biblical.  Secondly, it is perverting the teachings of Christ. Thirdly, this is something created to dominate women who are stupid enough to believe it.  While writing this, I was on the phone with my mother, who grew up in churches, coming from a long line of lay tradition.  The same thing holds true on my father’s side.  No where in the family is submission even discussed.  Women have always been teachers and worship leaders in my family.  They are always told that we are equal to men.  My mother’s comment on this disturbing trend  “This is pure evil.”   Like she said, it is almost as though they are substituting their husbands for God and for Christ.  This in itself is evil.

You think this isn’t turning into something sexually and religiously kinky?  Well, that’s what’s going on here.  “Being a Submissive Wife Is Hot:  You can be a submissive wife and have hot sex.”  You see, your submission makes HIM a better man.  Then, we go back to the kinky submissive hot sex.  It’s okay to beat your wife, spank her in front of the kids if she doesn’t call you ‘sir’. That’s S & M.   There are even churches that excommunicate women for not remaining quiet and submissive.

And people want to know why I’m not married.   I was raised to believe that women were just as good as men, had a right to be educated the same as men, have a career equal to men, and never ever submit. It has been a tradition passed down in our family from the time of William Marshal, the 1st Earl of Pembroke.  I’m not changing just to please some stupid little ignorant man who is so pathetic he is addicted to Viagra.